I was self centered, always worked on my own way with some pride when I was a teenager. I have been the oldest kid in the family, growing up in a single parent family. My father was busy earning for a living, although I had pretty nice environment to grow. Grandpa and Grandma took care of me nicely, but I had lots of big or small matters and no one I could talk to. Therefore, I have to depend on myself to make decisions and get what I want. I had no choice but to train myself become an independent person. I have been more mature than kids the same age, and got very good impression from the elders. The younger generation liked me too, but I kinda of looked higher in my own position and looked down at those same age girl's immature behaviors. I loved to watch and observe people from a distance. I am pretty good in completing any jobs but have no ideas how to work with people. Every time I spoke up I was like a sharp knife and I didn't really care about people's feelings, plus I looked very tiny and cold. I often got the spoiled princess label.
My husband was a very defensive kid. He usually made his parents work out of their minds and didn't know what to do for him next. My in-law always joked around and talk about how make many schools he attended then no moral people till he finished his master degree today. All these bad temper seem would pass to next generation also. Thank God our personalities all became mild after we have kids. I still love to give away my advice, but I learn to be smarter now and careful not to hurt someone's feelings.
My husband is still hardheaded, doesn't like to listen, choose the toughest way to go. Thank God for his great sense of humor which always helps me though every stages. He is such as lucky guy.
Most of time, we as the parents could observe our kids behaviors and find out their interests, then arrange the activities for them. But we can't join their lives and stay on their side all the time, when they grow older. As parents we only can drive them everywhere and watch our kids try everything around the world. It's very nice to watch our kids become bright people, but seeing them walk on the same difficult social life path as we did. I couldn't help but worry if they could pass all these challenges or not.
Once a while I often hear some people's interesting life experiences. They would recount their past and how beautiful and bloody in pain, it could be how hard they build up those business empire or the sadness from their childhoods ...... very touched. But, I do know, these people might looked tough and strong outside, but they all have an very sensitive heart underneath. They are so afraid to get hurt, so they would build up the wall between themselves and people, hard to accept any advice, even if people are trying to have a nice conversation. They would behave like a porcupine ( it's should be as hedgehog ). They would roll themselves up, spare their needles, keep people staying far far away from their distance, put themselves in lonely position too. I totally understand that feeling because I was there once and more. I spend lots of time to cool myself down and repeatedly analyze those questions from the past, then I sigh. On the other hand, I often hear some nice people say, " Just be yourself, don't care what people think." But the truth is people are always living as a group. Can we really stay away from this frame and not really care what people think about us ????
Is life more beautiful and interesting when we are in the social life to encourage and support each other ? We don't need to please someone to live, but if there're many times or people who can live in the peace of our mindsets which means we do need to face our own problems and change the way we think, isn't it ? We all can simply choose to be ourself, go our own way, but we will be lonely. By opening our mind, nicely hangout with people, we can write down the awesome journey, right? I guess, this is a great self- disciplined also.
If the youth would teach us to learn, then the mature should teach us to understand. Then, should we get more wise to open our minds when we get in touch with people and accept people's nice advices. I'm kinda of sad that I missed those years that I didn't spend time to share and enjoy my life with my classmates. Therefore, I remind my kids a lot in these past few years. I suggest them to reach out most of their social life, and try to enjoy and have fun with it. After that, they could decide how much more they want to get involve with. I wish kids would understand humans would have difficulty to have a great life by itself, because we as human beings are all weak and won't go to far when we are alone.
I really hope God would love my kids a little bit more. They could be smarter than their parents, less of a tough lesson from social studies. It is ok, they get to suffer some, but cherish the love and the people around them. So, they could really live happily ever after. I guess people who love bitter melon is not because of the bitter taste. It's because they all know that great after taste of umami.
Ingredients:
1. 1 bitter melon, thin sliced, blanched in the hot boiling salted water about 3-4 minutes then rise it under the cold water, drained and set aside.
2. 3 thin sliced of dry tofu
3. 1/2 purple onion thin sliced.
4. 1 tablespoons of black soy beans rinsed and drained.
5. Fish sauce and white pepper.
6. Around 1 tablespoons sugar.
7. Red chili oil.
Cold pan, cold oil, needs more oil than usual to sauté, medium low heat, place the fermentation black soy beans and dry tofu at the same time. Take your time to sauté these ingredients till it's fragrant. Then, add in green bitter melon mix well. Season with fish sauce and white pepper, follow in with sugar. Add in the thin sliced onions stir well but remains it's crunch texture, drizzle fews red chili oil before you done.
This side dish is very attractive no matter you serve it hot or cold. Dry tofu is savoy, purple onion are crunch and sweet, green bitter melon still bitter, but carry that umami after taste with fermentation black soy beans and that touch of spiciness to open your palate. All the flavors represent the hard works thought this dish in lives. I would love to pair this dish with wine or porridge to live happily each day !!!
青少年時期的我是位我行我素, 帶點傲氣的女孩. 我是位老大, 成長在單親家庭中. 父親忙著賺錢, 雖然家庭環境不錯, 爺爺奶奶細心照顧, 但很多人生中的大小事無人商量. 所以, 都得靠自己決定與爭取, 更不得不訓練自己成為一位獨立自主的人. 一直很早熟的我總是得長輩緣, 受晚輩的青睞, 但卻有點自是甚高, 鄙視同儕的幼稚行為. 那時的我喜歡遠遠的看人, 默默的觀察群眾的行為. 我很會做事卻不會做人. 每當一說話就像把利刃. 很少顧及他人的感受, 再配上柔弱卻又冷酷的外表, 年輕時常被説成被寵壞的嬌嬌女.
老公更是一位隨心隨性的抗議的浪子, 常常氣到父母束手無措, 絞盡腦汁. 公婆常笑說著老公的求學過程, 那可是繞了好大的一圈, 唸了比別人多的學校才完成現在的碩士學位. 然而這些臭脾氣好像也會遺傳. 還好我們的個性有了孩子後變得溫和多了. 雖然我還是愛說理, 但學聰明了, 也懂得小心點別傷害人. 老公還是頑固, 不聽話, 喜歡繞遠路, 幸好他夠幽默, 而他是位幸運的人, 總是能渡過每一個關卡.
大多數的時間, 我們當父母的可以觀察孩子們小的時候的個性, 依照他們的喜好安排他們的人生. 當孩子們長大後, 很多的人生部分我們當父母的無法陪在他們身邊一起參與了, 只能當位司機接送他們四處去闖天下. 看著自己的小孩開心聰慧的成長是件喜悅的事, 但是看著他們再一次走上自己以往坎坷的社交人生, 時而不禁擔憂, 我的孩子們是否能安然度過這些挑戰.
每隔一段時間總是會聽到一些生活經歷豐富的人. 他們敍説起當年篇篇精彩痛徹心扉的過去, 也許是他們的創業辛酸淚, 孩堤時的苦難 ..... 很是令人感動. 但我知道這些外表堅強的人, 其實都有一顆很敏感的心. 因為害怕受傷, 所以自己先築地自居, 很難接受別人的規勸, 哪怕是好言相向. 她們會像極了刺蝟( 其實是豪豬 ) 捲起身子, 散出細針一樣, 距人於千里之外, 身陷孤獨. 我很了解這樣的心情, 因為我也是這樣走過來的, 我花很多的時間冷靜自己, 反覆的思考分析著這些過往的問題, 卻是無限的感嘆. 另一方面我也常常聽到善心的友人如此鼓勵人心, " 做自己, 不用管別人怎麼看, 怎麼說 ". 但人是群居的動物, 我們真的可以跳脫這層關係, 真的不管別人的看待嗎？
與人相交是一種人生中的學習與分享, 彼此鼓勵支持. 生活才會更有趣更精彩不是嗎？ 我們不用討好別人而活, 但如果自己常有問題, 無法與他人和平相處, 就是該反省自己, 正視自己的問題, 改變自己想法的時候了. 我們都可以選擇做簡單的做自己, 一樣我行我素, 但生活卻是孤獨的. 學會敞開心胸與大眾開心的相處, 才能在這紅塵滾滾裡寫下更美好的人生. 我想, 這也算是一份深遠的修行吧!
如果年輕時的日子敎會了我們學習, 那麼成長後的日子敎會了我們知曉達理. 那我們是不是更應該長智慧, 更加虛心寛容的待人處世. 我很遺憾那些年, 我錯過了和同學在一起分享喜怒哀樂的青春歲月. 所以, 現在的我常常這樣提醒我的孩子們. 我建議他們試著去進入所有可及的社交圈, 享受它帶來的喜樂, 然後再決定你自己要涉入多深. 我希望孩子們能明瞭, 光靠一個人力量是脆弱也走不遠的, 人生也很難精采與燦爛.
期待上蒼能多眷顧我兒們, 希望他們都能比當年懵懂的我和老公多些許的智慧, 少點心靈上的血淚史. 苦可以吃, 但要能嚐到事後的那份甘甜, 懂的珍惜愛和身邊的人, 才會發現幸福 ! ..... 我猜想著, 愛吃苦瓜的人不是愛上它的苦, 而是懂得那份回甘的好滋味吧！
材料:
1. 苦瓜一條, 去仔, 切長條, 再斜切細片, 川燙於沸騰的加塩熱水約3-4分鐘後沖涼, 瀝乾, 置一旁備用.
2. 豆干三片切絲.
3. 1/2 個紫洋蔥切絲.
4. 1 大匙的豆豉洗淨瀝乾.
5. 魚露和白胡椒.
6. 約一大匙的糖.
7. 紅辣油.
冷鍋, 冷油, 比平常多一點的冷油, 中小火. 同時入豆豉和豆干慢慢煸出香氣. 然後加入苦瓜繼續翻炒均勻. 用魚露和白胡椒調味, 糖也隨後加入. 起鍋前加入洋蔥絲快速拌勻保持它的脆度, 淋上紅辣油.
冷熱上桌皆是一道令人留連忘懷的小菜. 豆干香鹹, 紫洋蔥脆甜, 綠苦瓜雖苦卻夾雜著豆豉的甘純與一點開胃的辣. 這道菜充分的含括了人生中所有辛苦的滋味, 下酒或是配上一碗地瓜稀飯, 開心的過好每一天 !!!
